Press Release

All Fools
Mad House
Canberra 2600

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E-mail: anwards@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.rag.org.au/takenote/release.htm

Embargoed April 1 2000.

Canberra, 30 MAR 2000-

PRIME MINISTER ABANDONS ECONOMIC RATIONALISM

Saturday April 1st 2000 The Prime Minister's regular 2am news conference.

The Prime Minister, John Howard, announced this morning: "Australia will be abandoning economic rationalism and economic growth and pulling out of the global economy."

In what could be seen as an about-face of millennial proportions, or as an act of extreme bravery, Mr Howard told stunned journalists: "Ecological rationalism will replace economic rationalism, resource conservation will replace economic growth, and local economies will replace Australia's involvement in the global economy."

He continued: "I've been thinking about the effects of the global economy on the people of rural Australia ever since my tour of regional areas in February. This led me to think about the effects of economic rationalism on the nation, especially on the battlers; and to think about the effects of economic growth on our environment. I was greatly moved by the historic significance of the turn of the millennium and I see it as a time for some very serious thought about our future. After much thought and painful soul-searching I realise that 'the system' isn't working and is, in fact, destroying the planet. I now understand that I was 'in denial' because the prospect of the planet dying due to our actions is truly terrifying. Now that I have accepted it I feel very strong and empowered to do something about it. I have decided to make this announcement today because I believe that most people will not understand the threat to our planet until their leaders show some leadership, speak out and take action.

"Incidentally, I still believe that the true date for the start of the third millennium is January 1st 2001, but I don't want to be out of step with the popular view or to be associated with Cuba which is the only country officially holding out for the 2001 date."

The Prime Minister's abrupt change of heart has led some journalists to speculate that he rather likes the idea of going down in history as the world leader who initiated the Great Ecological Turnaround at the start of the third millennium.

Mr Howard said: "Ecological rationalism dictates that it is cheaper and more efficient to keep this planet habitable than to try to find other planets to live on. If we don't find ecologically sustainable ways to live Planet Earth will become uninhabitable for humans.

"Ecological rationalism also dictates that prevention is cheaper and more efficient than cure. For this reason my government will be scrapping the conventional strategy of trying to cure problems once they have arisen, and will be working on strategies to prevent the three great human-made disasters of our times namely: 1) war and violence, 2) environmental destruction, and 3) the gap between rich and poor. We will be compiling a list of the causes and pre-requisites of war, so that everyone can understand them. I will work with other world leaders and the people of the world to make war impossible. My government will also list the causes of environmental destruction, and of the gap between rich and poor, and will publish these lists so that everyone can understand and help prevent them.

"We will also work on other social problems, and on preventing medical problems - accidents, illness and disease.

"I call on the Australian people to get together and work out how we can all live comfortably but not extravagantly, without needing the things that cause our environ-mental problems; and to find ways to reduce our use of resources such as energy, water, paper, metals and other materials. This will prevent pollution of air, water and soil; loss of forests, soil erosion and other environmental damage. A second reason that we in the rich countries must reduce our consumption levels is so that resources will be available to set up ecologically-sustainable systems for all the world's people, and also for future generations; and a third reason is that unequal distribution of resources can become a source of conflict and war.

"Local economies are essential for: eliminating pollution, especially greenhouse gases; reducing use of resources and production of waste; and employing people locally.

"If we get most of the things we need from our local communities we will stop the pollution emitted, and save the fuel used when goods are transported across the world. Resources used for refrigeration and packaging will also be reduced. Employing people locally will also mean reductions in pollution and fuel wasted when people travel long distances to work. We must also re-use and recycle our wastes within our local communities. The best way to build strong local communities is for their people to become interdependent.

"We must reduce tourism because of the fuel used and pollution caused by travelling. We could spend time in our local communities enjoying and looking after the wild areas, instead of travelling long distances to visit places where we don't belong.

"Decisions will be made at the local level whenever possible. People will need help and practice in running their local communities peacefully and fairly, and in ecologically-sustainable ways."

Mr Howard outlined policies that his government will also be working on and that he hopes other world leaders will follow.

"My government will buy back all foreign-owned land and other assets, and all privatised utilities. The problem with privatisation is that the profits go to the shareholders instead of into improving the service or facility. It is the right of Australians to own all the country's assets. I have had preliminary discussions with other world leaders about the reciprocal returning of land and assets, and I am hopeful that agreements will be reached. Any shortfall in finances will be made up by my government using the country's LETSystems.

"The land buy-back will mean that more land can be returned to Australia's original owners. I am preparing a full and unreserved apology to the Aboriginal people, not only for the stolen generations but also for all the other atrocities committed by early governments and settlers."

The Prime Minister burst into song: "I'm sorry, so sorry, please accept my apology..." and added: "I think we should learn from indigenous peoples instead of always expecting them to fit in with western industrial society.

"The definition of 'progress' will be changed from 'technological advance' to 'people learning to live in peace and to look after each other and their environment'. 'Development' will be replaced by 'maintenance of the planet'. We need a stable society and world instead of an ever-changing situation. 'Great nations' will be defined as those that look after their part of the planet and all their people, instead of those with the fastest growing economy and the biggest armory.

"All technology will be judged by its effect on our environment: ie. the resources used to make it, the energy needed to run it, how long it lasts and how it is disposed of; and by its usefulness in providing for people's needs; instead of being accepted just because it's possible.

"Bio-technology may be used to eliminate feral animals and weeds from the Australian bush but will not be used to modify food. The money and expertise currently being put into genetically engineering food will be redirected into researching and supporting organic and permaculture methods of food production.

"My government will withdraw from all space research except for tracking asteroids that could impact the Earth. The money will be used to repair environmental damage on Earth. I find it unbelievable that some people are planning space travel as a tourist venture for the rich while so many of their fellow humans are starving. I reject the idea of colonising other planets - the world's people are still suffering the consequences of the last spate of colonisation.

"We will encourage the use of environmentally-friendly technology such as small sun and wind power plants to produce renewable energy locally; rainwater tanks, household grey-water systems and dry composting toilets to save water; also community gardens; retrofitting of buildings to make them more energy efficient; and the expansion of bush regeneration schemes.

"People will be taught how to compost their human-manure safely and hygienically so that it can be used as a fertiliser and also to prevent the pollution caused by our present sewerage systems. Properly composted human-manure is the cheapest and most efficient fertiliser to grow food for the world's starving millions. Small trains, running on renewable energy, will be used to bring food into the cities from outlying farm areas, for people unable to produce all their own food. On their return journey they will carry compost from people who are unable to use all the compost they create. Nutrients contained in human bodies can also be returned to nourish the soil by burying bodies, respectfully, near trees.

"Mini-trains or trams, running on renewable, non-polluting energy, will run along all major roads to reduce the need for private cars and the accidents that result. Some minor roads and carparks, which won't be needed, will be turned into bush corridors, community gardens or play areas.

"My government will work gradually towards achieving population numbers that can be supported by the bio-region in which they live.

"All uranium mining in this country will cease immediately.

"We will stop the present practice of using large projects to provide employment. Instead we will help people do the work that needs doing in their local communities, and encourage them to employ each other by buying locally and sharing the available work fairly. We need to re-think our attitude to work and possessions: we must own fewer things, and share our possessions such as cars, appliances, machinery, televisions and computers, with our friends and neighbours. In this way we won't need so much money and will be able to spend less time at work and more time with our families, friends and communities. I will be setting an example by giving away some of my possessions including my car. "

"I trust that the Australian sense of fair play will triumph over greed and selfishness. I believe that people will find a great satisfaction in working to build more supportive and interdependent communities and ecologically sustainable ways of living. This will reduce the rates of depression because people will know that their community needs them and they will have something bigger than themselves to live for. We will all be able to relax and enjoy life knowing that the planet is safe for future generations and that at last humankind has worked out how to live peacefully and non-destructively.

"I appeal to you all for support in abandoning economic rationalism and to help in every way you can. Please write to me at Parliament House, Canberra, ACT 2600, with your ideas."

Head Fool

(If you like this please send it on - the April fools joke that just keeps going.)